A Sweet Answer To Miscarriage: My Decision to Sponsor a Child

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

James 1:26-27

My first time sponsoring a child in poverty

I truly believe that God works out everything for the good of those who love him. I love God. Therefore, I trust that he will not allow my miscarriage to be for nothing.

You see, when I first believed that Jesus died for me, He poured the Holy Spirit into me, refreshing, remaking, and revitalizing my heart. No longer was I the same crusty selfish person… I was and am now free to let go of all the striving and effort the world requires of me. The shackles came off and the sleeves went up. 

Instead of striving and struggling for my own salvation, I have all the time in the world to throw myself, heart and soul, into the hard and sticky business of loving people.
My heart now points to true north. With divine guidance it knows exactly where it should be heading at any moment. I am not perfect yet! And my journey towards sanctification sometimes takes a sour turn. But it’s opportunities like sponsoring a child through ministries like Compassion International, that help me to remember again how much I need to be growing, giving, and point others to God.

The Bible says that everything that we do flows from the heart. My heart beats in health and clarity. My heart knows what will glorify God when it crosses my path.

I still long for a child of my own, but in the dog days of waiting patiently and expectantly on the Lord, I can take up the cause of “the least of one of these” and practice being a mother with the most powerful superpower ever given to me: Prayer. I am going to pray diligently as if this little girl was all mine, with overflowing, sacrificial, unconditional love.

And then if or when He decides to make me a physical mama, I’ll only have that much more love to give.


Why I Left USC

And God placed all things under His feet and appointed Him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of Him who fills everything in every way. ~Ephesians 1:17-23

About 4 years ago, I thought long and hard about the career I would pursue, and the education I needed under my belt to attain the highest level of success. According to a workbook what helped me assess my strengths, weaknesses, and interests, I reasoned  that Social Work was the work for me.

As a recent college graduate, this was a time of life when I was both certain and uncertain that I could do anything in the world and make it count. God’s master plan is really amazing if you sit back and think about the precise succession of events that have taken place in your life. Just one decision could have made your life take a sharp left, but whatever happened, happened because God foresaw that it was the best possible option (and as C.S. Lewis says in The Weight of Glory , what happens is the ONLY option).

I set my sights on applying to an MSW program and last November of 2011, I entered the MSW program at the University of Southern California, a top ten school for Social Work. The first semester was great, I got straight A’s and looked forward to starting my internship in the fall. The coursework was all introductory, of course.

So in the second semester, I began to learn things I was less inclined to agree with. As a Social Worker looking toward state licensure, I would be required to uphold a sort of Universalist worldview in which every lifestyle and liberal social doctrine is “PC”.

I don’t know what I expected. Of course this is how the world thinks. The NASW Code of Ethics stands for very honorable things, and I don’t mean to say that they are completely out of their minds. It’s that the overall framework I would be required to submit myself to is not Christ-centered. Even “Christian Social Work” must come under restrictions as applies to the Gospel of Jesus. That’s just the nature of the beast.

But lately I have come to realize in a major wayhowJesus is Lord of my life! I want to submit my decisions, my words, my whole life to His will. I don’t want to just say he is Lord, and then turn around and make decisions that don’t agree with what He is teaching me. I have been living the same hypocrisy as the Pharisees who did not truly practice what they preached. Through Christ we have been given the freedom from the worldly way of thinking!

It started with an inkling that what I was learning goes against what the Bible teaches. The inkling turned into an idea of leaving, and that idea turned into a desire. I prayed about it and talked to some people very close to me, and I officially withdrew last week. Now I am truly free to pursue Godly things!


The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. ~Proverbs 13:4, ESV

I’m an awful procrastinator. It’s so difficult to be motivated to do something you don’t enjoy. Whether it’s getting up early, writing a paper, or working a certain job, there are times you want to give up, regardless of consequences.

I’ll admit, I have hardly ever done my absolute best with schoolwork. But I have always somehow managed to secure good grades. Aware of my acute ability to “work the system” I put things off and do whatever I want to do first. Procrastination and apathy seem to devour me regularly. Together, I think they can be deadly. We procrastinate because we don’t care, and we don’t care because we can procrastinate another day.

We all pass through seasons of blindness to certain aspects of ourselves and our walks with the Lord. I am thankful to God that he has put this subject on my heart. These are dangerous mindsets that have the potential to take over other aspects of our lives too.

So how can we overcome selfish and immature attitudes toward our responsibilities? First we should pray to God for a renewed mind and desire to seek his will in everything. Tell the Lord about where you stumble and ask for his help. He will not reproach you for asking for his wisdom (James 1:5). Here are a few verses to meditate on:

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. ~1 Corinthians 15:58

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. ~Ephesians 5:15-17