Ever have one of those moments when emotions build up out of nowhere? I was having a fine morning, 3/4 done with another brilliant post (or so I thought) when I realized that somehow I had saved a blank page.
No big deal right?
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I was like a pressurized water heater ready to explode. It wasn’t just the lost piece of writing I was so proud of – everything came to the forefront. Fears, disappointments, bitterness, rage. I imagined that if I was sailing in the middle of a tempest, I’d be clinging to a loose rope, being violently thrown by the wind. I prayed and pleaded with God to fight this evil for me.
When I’m in distress like this, I pray in a desperate and pitiful way, simply asking Jesus to “come here” as if he was just down the hall. Exactly when he came and took care of me, I’m not sure. All I could see was the terrifying storm and pain in my heart. It wasn’t until I realized I had caught my breath and my heart was beat regularly that He had given me his peace and led me to calm waters.
All I know is what He allows me to experience, but I am by no means an expert on emotional distress. So I will offer this: If anyone out there today is feeling fragile or broken, there’s nothing better you can do than call out to Him for help. Hope in Jesus is the safe anchor for our souls (Hebrews 6:16). Instead of fixing your eyes on the problem, fix your eyes on Him.
I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
You have not given me into the hands of the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place. ~Psalm 31:7-8
Hi Molly…thanks for your frankness in your struggle to get your feelings to submit to the love and authority of Jesus! Boy o boy can I relate. I always say that I have to beat my feelings into submission! I know they are part of our humanity, but I always think of the verse that says “nothing shall have mastery over you”. There have been some very long and distressing times in my life where I had to decide if I really believed what I said I did- and I think that is the key- choosing to speak the truth to our own storm tossed souls. It takes self discipline (which I am not always good at!) and effort of our will, but the results are worth it, not only for ourselves, but for everyone else in our lives.
I still have trouble believing that you are a new Christian!
I understand! Although on the one hand I’m completely grateful for all the fighting it takes to beat myself into submission (figuratively speaking) sometimes I’m not so grateful…
In this way we are truly learning the weight of the verse “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind”